untitled vol.1

pupils dilate

i’m reminded of an old feeling

fluorescent lighting

burning eyes

emptiness

yet in a way it’s intoxicating

to be desired

feeling like a substance

his substance

but not those i am familiar with

something new

feeling challenged

not threatened

to coexist is to be peaceful

and to be peaceful

you must have balance

it is not far from reach

but a step forward

requires me to fall

i don’t know what’s at the bottom

is the bottom the emptiness i once felt?

is it a forest or the ocean?

does it push and pull?

will i feel surrounded with trees that all look the same?

will i ever stop wondering?

but to wonder is to be aware

to be a human

to exist with instincts

to trust unreliable thoughts

to feed into thy ego

it can kill you if you let it

i’ve been too close to death before

yet the feeling of being sick

comes back

like the ocean

familiar to this push and pull

is it something i crave

the known

do i push away the forest

repetitive and quiet

the forest is simple yet it irks

a child must rely on their imagination

the forest cannot provide

the ocean

an outer stimulus

the child cannot become trapped

not again

epiphany

the child’s eyes are now open

the forest means no harm

uniqueness is in the little things

you don’t have to drown anymore

at last my child you are free

but freedom comes with responsibility

stepping forward

telling myself

the bottom isn’t scary

i’ve fallen

-e.i.a

04/03/2022